Why am I not freaking out already?

Ephinanies are funny things. They never seem to occur when you'd expect them to, and when they do occur, they come at the most inconvenient times. My upcoming six months of super fun travel! educational experience had not really taken the emotional toll I have expected it to, with the exception of dreams in which I fall into lakes in Switzerland, or where everyone I know hates me and thinks my shoes are ugly. Other than that, I have been fine. Just fine. Peachy. Just peachy fine.

...Then I had to flip over my desk calendar.

Flipping over my desk calendar is one of my favourite moments of the day as I get to read a piece of life philosophy that has no contextual bearing whatsoever, and try to somehow incorporate it into my daily tasks.  It's like doing a jigsaw puzzle, getting to the last piece and not being entirely certain if it fits into the space left.  Either you're going to be victorious, or end up frustrated with the whole scenario, writing a sternly worded letter to the manufacturer over poor workmanship. So as I prepared to read today's life quote from Ghandi/Katy Perry and how their mantras could influence my approach to drafting commentary for the annual financial statements, I caught a glimpse of the date. 6 August. It was officially ten days till my departure. Or, as I interpreted it:

OHMYGODWHATTHEHELLAREYOUDOINGYOUARELEAVINGTHECOUNTRYINTENDAYSANDTHEFINANCIALSTATEMENTSAREN'TEVENFINISHED

It was the reaction I had been waiting for for nearly three weeks. That highly irrational fear that would jump up out of no where to inform me that I couldn't go away because I hadn't thought it through! About my job! About the money! About my degree! About my famil - ok they are yet to be even considered - but the point still remains: the irrational fear that I am about to make a stupid irrational decision and regret it my entire life, like never taking up ballet as a small child, and every time I made a statement in Year Eight. But it is for these reasons (sans ballet and teenage angst) that I need to do this. I feel like I've become over-routined, over-sensible and over-focused in many areas of my life at the expense of the rest. I need to go out there and explore, and discover new things about myself, even if it means I need to take life kicking and screaming along the way, my nails digging into the floor attempting to cling to the Sensible Life. While I am yet to depart, I have found my outlook on life changing, and I'm slowly starting to accept there's more to life than the Sensible Life, and that doesn't necessarily mean I need to be irresponsible, just open to new experiences.  And if there's one other thing I have discovered about life, it is one cannot finish a blog post adequately with 'Being Lara Bingle' playing in the background. God I'm glad I'm leaving Australian TV.